From the Past...

I was just browsing through some old files and I came across this. It's something I wrote about four years ago when I was still in Ruwais and had my second blog I think. lol. Anyway, thought I'd share it. So here goes:

Ok, so mannu [note: friend from Ruwais] told me to write. Just keep writing she said and don't stop. So here goes. These are all things that have been locked up in my head for so long now. I just couldn't write them down. I didn't like what I read on paper. It was not the same as what I thought of in my head.

Sometimes, some people have principles that they believe in built deep in the core of thier hearts. They have ideas, beliefs set within themselves yet somehow, what comes out isn't what they intended it to be. When I feel this way, I am reminded of a line from Gladiator when Maximus goes: "There was once a dream that was Rome. This is not it. THIS IS NOT IT!" (or something like that lol) I kind of say something similar to myself. I go: "There was once a dream that was me. This is not it! THIS IS NOT IT!" That's when I figure out that I am not turning into the person that I saw myself as and this due to various reasons: family, society, friends, upbringing, pressure, decisions etc. It's frustrating when you know that the real you is not who everyone sees outside; not the person who is lost, angry, freaky, weird, torn, paranoid, carefree, wreckless etc. The real you is exists but it's been buried through the years by the circumstances that have happened in your life, by the decisions and compromises that you've made. The individual that you've always envisioned you'd be is in there and I guess that's the good part. To know that, even though, right now, you're someone different, that "the dream that was you" still breathes and can be brought back up again from all the debris is comforting.

It can be hard doing that; having to dig through all the dirt and throw them away. I've always thought of it as though a person whose real self has been hidden were like a beautiful plant that ended up being kept in a dark room without any sunlight or water. It cannot grow. It only wilts and eventually dies if no one give it the proper environment to survive. It will just sit there and whither away until the door is opened and it is taken back to a proper growing environment with all the essential nutrients it needs to survive.

At first sight, all you see is the plant, all thin, wilting and dried up. It's basically ugly but it's not dead yet. Once it starts absorbing the sunlight and water, it will go back to the beautiful flower that it was in the beginning before it got locked up in the dark room. I think that it's the same with people.

I still think it's the same with people.. =)

The Butterfly Effect

After four years, I decided to watch this movie again. Watched it last night. I still like it. It got me thinking that if I ever had a chance to go back to the past, I'd probably not end up changing anything. I think I'll do the same thing over again because that's just me. I'm the kind of person who rarely does anything out of the ordinary. I'm pretty freakin' ordinary. o.O I think. It's like I'm programmed to do things. How boring is that??? oh em jee again! lol..

Anyway, if you could go back to the past, would you change it? And if yes, what would you change?